Forgiveness, Family Relationships and Health

Family relationships play an integral role in the psychological and physical health of family members, as well as the economic well-being of the family (see Beach & Whisman, 2012; Fincham & Beach, 2010). Paradoxically it is in family relationships that many of our important needs are met and yet some of our deepest hurts occur. These hurts can be occasioned by a violation of an implicit or explicit relationship norm, deceit, betrayal and so on. Although various options exist for dealing with such hurts (e.g., withdrawal, denial, condoning, reframing the transgressions), over the course of long-term relationships such as marriage they are unlikely to suffice. Little surprise, then, that the well known journalist/humorist, Robert Quillen (2008, p. 255), the Garrison Keillor of his day, wrote that “a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” What are the consequences of forgiving versus not forgiving in family relationships? To the extent that failure to forgive results in destructive conflict and/or disruption of the family relationship, the results can be costly for those involved in the transgression as well as other family members. For example, the deleterious effect of marital discord on the psychological and physical health of spouses is well documented (e.g., Kiecolt-Glaser et al., 2005; Whisman, 2007), as is the panoply of effects it has on both child and adult offspring (e.g., Amato, 2010; Rhoades, 2008; Troxel & Mathews, 2004). It is widely accepted that even though forgiveness (an intrapersonal process) should not be confused with relationship reconciliation (a dyadic process), it promotes prosocial motivational process that can lead to relationship repair and the